It’s an intermission!

After the news of needing major surgery we just walked to the car in silence, I just remember squeezing Ellen’s hand so hard all the way back. We just sat in the car and hugged it out, shed a few tears together, provided that silent comfort and then we just cracked on.

We started driving back to Peterborough and made the calls we needed. We tried to relay the information back to family and friends as best we could, basically all we could tell them was that I needed two lymph nodes removing and it was a major surgery, with a potential wait of up to 3 months before the surgery.

Mentally I was still very fresh from chemotherapy and now I had this major surgery hanging over my head as well, it’s a lot to take and I’m not sure how I did deal with it, everything just became a blur and it was almost a ‘you’ve got to do it, because no one can do it for you’ attitude, and combined with the support of Ellen, that’s how I’ve got by.

Knowing you have a major surgery but with no date, the days drag, you overthink everything and you even wonder ‘have they forgotten about me’. Fortunately for both me and Ellen we were able to work again to provide some form of distraction, unfortunately for Ellen, her shift fell on her birthday so we were planning to properly celebrate over the weekend. I still got up extra early with Ellen on her birthday to ensure she had a present or two to open and had all of her lunch and coffee made ready for work. We had a belated birthday breakfast delivered on the Saturday morning and extra presents were given just to show my appreciation for everything Ellen does. She’s a star.

21 June 2021 and I get a call from my nurse at Addenbrookes to let me know I’ve been booked in for a call with a specialist surgeon to discuss everything pre and post surgery on the 28 June 2021. I’m genuinely over the moon, as a call would only be booked if a surgery has been at least provisionally scheduled, which means the sooner it’s done, the sooner I can crack on with recovery and start moving on with my life.

The next week combined with working and focusing on my next football coaching opportunities, flew by and before I know it’s the 28 June and the day of my call with the specialist. Ellen is at work so she goes through everything I need to do before she leaves; which basically was making sure I had pen and paper and asked questions.

The surgeon rang dead on time and made me feel at ease right away, he just came across as caring and approachable, even though it was just a voice on the other end of the phone. He said we had a provisional surgery date for the 20 July 2021 with him at Addenbrookes but this could change. He also offered a different type of surgery (robotic one) which could be done at a hospital in london, but there was no timescale for that; so as I was eager to get this chapter closed, I said I wanted him to do my surgery.

The surgeon went through all the information pre surgery, what tests I’d need to complete, my isolation period so no covid or other infections were carried into hospital and also post surgery.

He advised post surgery that a no fat diet would be required to help aid recovery and also avoid having a drain fitted.

He also explained the complications that may occur due to it being a major surgery. The one that upset me the most was the fact that I had a 75% chance of developing retrograde ejaculation (dry ejaculation) due to the location of the lymph nodes being removed being so close to certain nerves. Obviously not being able to have children the natural way is what upsets me the most, as relying on the science behind the sperm bank just feels like another hurdle that life is throwing. Once I get my head around that possibility, I’ll be fine.

A couple of days later I received another call to confirm my surgery was scheduled for 21/07/2021, now it’s official I set myself a target of getting properly fit and eating healthy before I go in for surgery.

Me and Ellen book ourselves a very needed 3 day break at the Lake District at the beginning of July, just so we can switch off completely, enjoy the lakes, lots of walking and not have any phones or reasons to be distracted from enjoying each other’s company, and Arya of-course!

We had such a good time, albeit with no sleep as the sheep in the field next to us did not stop. Even us taking hardknots pass on the way home by accident didn’t ruin our time away, we had such a laugh driving this road and added to memories for life.

Mentally at this point, I thought I was recharging my batteries to go again but it always creeps up on me, the quiet period of any day, the small check ins from family or friends (which I do wholly appreciate), or just any pain or ache I get which sets my mind into worry and anxiety mode. ‘I’ve got/had cancer’ will always stick with me and I’ll just learn to take each day as it comes.