Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be…dizzy.

18th May, it’s my mums birthday and I begin another long week of treatment, three long days and then I take the Friday off work as annual leave, as I said before, the days following three days of treatment hits me hard so just to have the day not to worry about work and relax is helpful.

I wish I was able to see my mum and give her the birthday presents and card on the actual day, but instead I’m hooked up to the machine and I’m not going anywhere fast.

First two days of block three are the days I drink loads of water and measure my urine output just to ensure my kidneys are doing what they should be, and day three feels more relaxed because I don’t have to weigh my urine. Today is also the last day that I see my favourite nurse, she’s been amazing and I’ve seen her most days since day 1, she’s off to do some volunteering in Africa on the front line of medical centres and what a role model she is to young doctors/nurses coming through. Part of me felt inspired to get into some form of job role within the NHS where I can make as much a difference as this nurse and all the other fantastic NHS staff do.

That’s on top of how proud and in awe I am of Ellen and the amazing work that she and her paramedic colleagues do every single day.

Once day 3 of round 3 is up Ill have 25 tablets left to take and 7 injections to go, plus lots of blood tests and a CT scan to determine whether I’m clear or not. It seems never ending but considering it started as 21 injections and 75 tablets, I’ll take it right now.

The tablets make me feel crap as much as the chemotherapy does, so although I’m in good spirits the constant feeling of nausea and tiredness is starting to grate on me.

The weekend was great, all things considered. Got to see my nieces which as tiring it is also gave me a boost and made me incredibly happy, this was followed by a walk with the dog and then my mum came over to visit which was lovely, I’m so glad I was able to see her. Symptoms are still the same; nausea and tiredness.

Woke up on Monday 24th May really early, well I say woke up, I’ve hardly been sleeping but I got up as it feels like I have a trapped nerve, and I’m in as close to agony as what I could describe. As they say, when it rains it pours. I’m working so it’s a case of doing my best whilst getting comfortable and dealing with my chemo/tablet symptoms!

25th May and my second from last treatment was complete, one more to go which means only a few more weeks of feeling like crap I hope! I’ve started trying to distract myself so I’ve signed up for loads of learning events with the English Football Association, hoping to develop and improve my understanding as a coach.

I thought I would be buzzing and would fly through the week knowing I had one chemotherapy session left, but boy was I wrong! The treatment has finally hit me hard and I have a new symptom..welcome..dizziness to the party. Great to have you here.

Also in case it hasn’t been mentioned, my savoury cravings are still high, and I’m eating mainly eggs, bagels, cheese, chicken and bacon! Due to the tablets I take, I’ve stopped having as much milk which means my coffee intake has massively decreased, this is because the tablets can’t be taken in and around milk, and as they have to be taken with breakfast, lunch and dinner I’ve just skipped the coffee.

As every day passes my head is drifting to being at that dream day where I run on a football pitch again, or squat weights at the gym or just flying down the streets on a run, my motivation really is getting fit again and getting out there and enjoying life.

Tuesday 1 June 2021 soon swings round and it’s my last day of chemotherapy treatment. After making such a conscious effort to get to know the nurses it’s quite an emotional day, as they’ve been such a big part of keeping me calm and a huge helping hand in making me better. Two of the nurses I’ve had from day one are on annual leave but for the most part I get to say my thank yous.

The days following my final day of treatment are some of the worst, not for the symptoms that made me feel crap but for no symptoms like sore fingers and chemo acne, as the acne is visible for everyone to see and my anxiety goes through the roof. I’ve always been quite a vain person and really care about my appearance so to have acne for the first time since I was 14/15 really hit me hard.

All I’m waiting for now is the next CT scan and set of bloods on 10th June and it can’t come quick enough, not that I’m wishing away time.