It’s like the smarter you are; the more things scare you.

It feels like no sooner were we off the phone that we arrive at Addenbrookes, this time parking up as Ellen is coming in with me today for support. The car journey was a mix of okay we are pretty sure they are going to say chemotherapy is needed, but what if there’s something else? My mind is in overdrive already worrying, what if the delay in getting the scan sorted since surgery means there’s been a spread of the cancer, what if they find something else wrong?

Before we know it we are called into the little office again with the doctor and the nurse; almost a sense of deja vu, as we’ve been here before. This time the doctor appears to be less apprehensive to discuss what is going on and talk about chemotherapy and what will be taking place. So basically my tumour markers are high and two lymph nodes are currently still showing as swollen and they’ve confirmed that BEP chemotherapy treatment would be required. They explained pretty clearly that I’d need 3 rounds of treatment but I would get my confirmed dates for treatment later on. There was me expecting to be starting chemo by no later than the end of March but they are telling me they cannot currently confirm a date as they need to find space for me.

The doctor also explained that to prepare me for chemotherapy they would need to do a full body MOT, this is just to make sure my body can handle the chemotherapy and to make sure there’s no underlying issues before I do start treatment. Basically if my body shows any signs of weakness in the tests then it may delay me from getting treatment or potentially stop me from getting treatment. More stress and worry but at least for once I’ll be getting a free MOT!

Again they couldn’t confirm when these tests would be done but they said it would all be on one day and they would at least be testing my kidneys, my lungs and my hearing and taking plenty of bloods. So we left knowing I’ll be going through chemotherapy and finally we had a target in sight. Couple of calls in the car on the way home to family; are reassuring as always but also quite scary as well. You have expectations of what chemotherapy will be like but it’s a bit of a taboo subject so there’s not much ever seen about it, so I’m pretty in the dark as to what will happen; and when you’re told it will be tough you kind of just have to take their word for it, because what else do you have?

So it’s a waiting game again; waiting for a call from the hospital to confirm when my MOT will take place and when my chemotherapy will begin.