Sleep; why thou elude me?

After laying there for what felt an eternity the morning light started to creep through the curtains and it was an instant reminder that I was very much alive, I felt refreshed and wired with probably 2 hours sleep. I’m still getting used to slowly shuffling and pulling my way around the bed to move, as my stomach is very sore and uncomfortable. I go about what becomes a normal routine of scouring social media for positive and engaging peoples and their stories.

Within the hour Ellen is awake and bless her cottons gets up well before her normal wake up time to get my breakfast in bed; I absolutely hate it, being waited on and I just feel like constantly apologising...it’s only morning one and I feel terrible ha!

Breakfast is polished off with water and coffee, antibiotics are taken and I decide I will spend the rest of the day in bed until mum comes to stay for a few days.

Again time goes by so slow as I sit and stare out the window, only able to see the tops of houses with birds sitting and chatting, probably talking about all the hotspots for food scraps in Yaxley. Yep, Gone mad, there I am wishing I was chilling up there with the birds, free.

Before I know it, I’m jumping out my skin as Arya begins to bark, OUCH, that hurt! This was to happen 3-4 more times in the coming week ha! Arya’s barking signalled the arrival of my mum and she came straight up stairs to see me and sit next me to in bed, we chatted like normal and I just tried my best to make sure everyone around me was okay.

I felt vulnerable because I’ve never really needed to go to the doctors in all my life and here I am in bed after surgery, hardly able to move, but that was it, that’s all that was wrong with me so although vulnerable due to new experiences I was very much myself and just wanted everyone to treat me like that. Mum goes downstairs after a while to settle into the living room and watch some tv, but I know she has burning urges to cook and clean!

I finally get my head on, and shuffle myself downstairs for the evening, propped up in the chair next to the window. We eat, we talk and we watch tv, everything’s normal. It was during this time that I finally had to face one of my new fears, going for number two, and whilst still wearing this charming jock strap I had to figure out logistics before anything else!

Okay; I’ve got a plan and I follow it through, all seems to go well, and there’s no issues. Another tick in the box of achievements! Shuffle my way back to the living room and we chat away all night. It dawns on me that it’s soon to be bed time, when I know I’m tired but I know I’m not going to get any substantial sleep. Having to lie on my back when I’m normally a side sleeper isn’t helping, night two, wake up at 1am again and I’m already laying there with a sore back. Shuffling myself about to get comfy, and again begins another night staring into the abyss.

Sunday follows exactly the same pattern, morning light creeps through, early breakfast with tablets, and the only difference is that Ellen gives me a flannel wash in the morning; now if feeling useless was what I felt before, I cannot describe this feeling. There I am holding onto the sink for support, and I have nothing but love and gratitude pouring from me. She’s not signed up for this, and not once did she complain, in fact it was els idea and we found the funny side to it (laughing is not my friend right now, too much pain around the incision). She really is one of a kind and I couldn’t be more thankful.

I stay upstairs for a little while, and it’s more or less a repeat of the day before, with the exception that Ellen’s cousin came to take Arya out for a long walk. The mornings, days and nights are just merging into a blur at the moment as my mind and body runs off 2 hours sleep a night. I start to dread night time; falling asleep in the hope I’m out for longer than 2 hours but sunday plays the same game, 1.30am... Is this lack of sleep normal? How long will it be till I get a proper good nights sleep?