This will either make me or break me, and I have no intention of it being the latter.

‘Good morning, Daniel Bratcher, it’s my first day of chemotherapy’

‘Thanks Daniel, take a seat outside and someone will collect you’

I’m sat in the waiting area getting more and more nervous, warming up and hands getting clammy. I really don’t know what to expect and that’s the worst thing for me as I love to have control of a situation.

‘Err Daniel, Daniel Bratcher’ I shoot up, ‘good morning!’ The nurse introduces herself and takes my temperature as a COVID safety measure and then I get weighed. The nurse was lovely, going through everything that will happen, obviously I wasn’t taking in everything but I appreciated the warm welcome to something that wasn’t going to be particularly nice. She gets me a cuppa and then takes me to my home for the day.

Whilst I’m getting more of a briefing she takes my blood pressure and explains the process on each of the days. So she breaks down that the first two days of the five (I’ll be having three rounds, three lots of 5 days covering 2 months) I’ll be recording my urine as they need to measure my body’s output to make sure the chemo is being removed.

Okay; so I’m stressing already that I have to be up and about while I’m hooked up to a machine.

Now the first day sets a tone for everything moving forwards and the nurses really struggled with cannulating me…Two attempts with the first nurse and two with the second nurse, my veins in my arms between my hands and my elbow were just hiding. Fight or flight response to needles and my veins said nahhh we are alright mate. So I’m sat there hot and bothered after nearly an hour and a half in the chair. They get me some heat pads for my arms to bring the veins up and then a third nurse gets the cannula in, thank god for that!

They give me some sickness meds which come in the form of tablets to help with any nausea and then each time the nurses action something, another nurse will check and they explain what is going on. They’ve been great so far and all I’ve felt like is a burden because of my hiding veins!

First off it’s a bag of fluid for an hour, then into the first lost of chemo alongside another little bag which helps make you pee; possibly a diuretic. So within this first few hours it starts, I carefully get up and unplug my machine and then slowly waddle over to the toilet in the corner. Me being me, I’m saying hello to everyone and anyone who’s willing to make eye contact, I get a few willing to co-operate but I also understand a lot of people there are just fed up and want to get in and get out.

So I’m in the toilet, I’ve navigated the busy treatment room! First; I have to grab a pee tub and pee in that, then I have to put the scales on and weigh my pee, then obviously the pee goes down the loo. Dispose of the pee tub, wash hands and navigate my way back to my chair. I came to the conclusion that having to do this will at least keep me busy and occupied.

I then get another lot of chemo, a saline flush and another bag of fluids. The first day I managed 10 pees and a ridiculous amount left my body! But I was drinking lots of water too so I was flushing that chemo through the system.

Although I had packed my own sarnies and snacks, they come round with a lunch trolly with sarnies, yoghurts and biscuits on it, which I feel is a nice touch and one less thing for patients to think about.

The nurses were always checking in to make sure you’re okay, happy to chat and happy to get drinks and fill water bottles, they really do go the extra mile.

The nurses let me know when I have about an hour left so I can text Ellen, as we have roughly an hours drive to Addenbrookes.

Once I’m all done and the flush has gone through the system (machine beeps every time the job is done) a nurse will remove the cannula and send you on your way. Now due to my coaching I’ve become great at learning names in a short space of time, so by the time I had left on the first day, all those nurses I had contact with, I had got the name learned, as I always feel a ‘good morning xx, good bye xx’ is more personal, so I do always make that effort.

I say bye to everyone as I walk out, and it is cliche but heading outside everything does feel different; colours, the air and people around me. Right now my health is at such a crossroads, I guess everything has just been put into perspective and you just get a bit of clarity.

As I walk outside I see Ellen’s car and I’m so pleased to see her and get in and just tell her all about it, almost as if it was my first day at school. Im showing her all the marks and bruises on my arms from the failed and one successful cannula attempt, almost a little bit proud!

‘How are you feeling?’ Is a question I’ll become very a custom to, but apart from mentally thinking ‘chemo is going to make me ill’ and possibly having side effects from that, I was feeling okay, tiny bit nauseas but nothing to shout about. I was able to eat and drink fine in the evening and then it was role on Wednesday for another day.

Wednesday followed the same pattern; only differences were that I was in a new chair and the nurse that got the cannula in yesterday got it in first time today as well. That’s already a lot of stress off my mind. Wednesdays treatment is the exact same as Tuesdays, it’s long and I have to measure my pee. I managed 13 today and the nurse was shocked by how much I had drank and how much I had peed when he was inputting the data! He just kept telling me it’s a good thing as you’ll feel less side effects from the chemo. Now the fact he said that sat in my mind for the next two months, so when my body allowed, I would drink as much water as I could! I managed another walk in the evening and I was still eating and drinking water okay.

Thursday in the first week of each round is a shorter day than previous two but still quite a long day! It’s more like a top up of the previous days and I don’t have to measure my pee, as the chemo that affects the kidneys is not used on the Thursday. So it’s less stress and I can relax…yep I said relax!

I still have the stress everyday of the cannula being put in; now I’m not sure why as it doesn’t hurt when they put the cannula in, but my mind just won’t accept it and so my body shuts down and the veins hide! Thursday the cannula was in on the second attempt, so again after the first attempt I was sat with heating pads on my arms! Word soon spreads and nurses start to talk..they know you’re the one who’s hard to cannulate!

Thursday 8th April, day 3 and I’m starting to feel a bit nauseas on and off, again it is manageable and I try to describe the feeling as hunger sickness, that I’m so hungry I feel a bit sick. So I can bare it and I manage a smaller walk after chemo with Ellen and the pooch. Still eating and drinking fine although my water intake compared to the previous two days has reduced, but only because of the sheer amounts I drank the previous two days, my body was just like ‘no more!!’

Friday 9th April; I was back at work which is a welcome distraction from all the crap. I start two days of two lots of tablets, three times a day which are to help with sickness and any infections. I am starting to feel rough on and off but again I remain positive and I get out to walk the dog twice and keep myself on the go. Still eating and drinking fine but I know this is just the start of a long few months.