Until you step into the unknown, you don’t know what you are made of.

So following on from my MOT at Addenbrookes the rest of the week was just normal as it could be. Work, walk the dog and watch football. Ellen was busy at work so there was plenty of quiet time for me at home to reflect on everything that has happened so far.

I get to the weekend (Saturday 27th March) and I was surprised with a lovely gift bag from a family friend. A chemo set of sorts with beers, chocs, puzzle books and all the little bits I just wouldn’t think of such as tissues and hand sanitiser.

The weekend for me was all about long walks with Arya, cleaning the house as much as I possibly can and doing anything to avoid thinking about the possibility of starting chemotherapy in just over a weeks time!

Monday 29th March; started like a normal week with work and a dog walk early morning. Only difference was today I received my next call from my oncology nurse. So first they went through the results from my MOT; as expected they confirmed my lungs and hearing were in good condition, but my kidneys were on the lower scale of what is expected, so no concern and no detriment to my treatment but certainly something to keep note of.

I then got all my dates and times for chemotherapy locked in and the period of time each session would roughly take so me and Ellen could properly begin to prepare. They confirmed that a Covid test would arrive in the post to sort prior to going start chemotherapy.

Only question I really had was for my second Covid Jab and they advised not to do it whilst I was immunosuppressed and gave me set dates where it would be safe for me to take the jab during chemotherapy.

Finally they confirmed on the Thursday (1 April) I would need to go to Cambridge park and ride to give my final blood sample. So I was all set and just had to wait for the Covid test to arrive and then get through another week of work. Luckily it was a bank holiday, so everyone would be enjoying a long weekend regardless! Although my weekends haven’t changed for a long time and that’s dog walks and house chores fit around watching the football!

On that Monday evening I received yet another amazing chemotherapy gift set from close family friends (Adam and Nicola) and someone who’s been through the rigours of cancer herself knows first hand what this scary journey can be like. She’s been there to chat to, any questions and any anxieties have been answered/eased, then of course she regularly checks in with messages to make sure I’m doing okay. What Adam dropped round and had been put together by Nicola was so thoughtful and kind it got me very emotional and it meant the world to me that someone had given me that much thought. (Thank you so so much!)

The rest of the week went as planned, I was kept busy with work and kept even busier by Arya, she’s been a god send since we adopted her and kept me company at so many times when I’ve just needed someone to be there. Dogs truly are our best friends.

Thursday I went on got my bloods done and it was so efficient, I just wish we could have saved the miles and got the bloods done in Peterborough, but it is what it is and if that’s all we have to moan about right now then I’ll take that as a small win. I registered my Covid test online and organised for the courier to come get my test ready for the Tuesday.

My bank holiday started like any other day with a long day walk and then I decided to be productive, I mowed the front lawn and the garden and then cleaned the house. A chilled day but as mentioned before every second thought is about my cancer, it stops me in my tracks and really keeps me grounded and thankful for all the good in life. I also completed my Covid test, which you package up and then someone comes to pick it up. Done, just need to wait for those results.

Into the weekend we go, another day closer to starting chemotherapy, another step towards the unknown and another page down towards the end of this crap chapter. I was actually able to lay in and sleep until about 8.30 which doesn’t sound a lot but for me is a great effort as my natural body clock is set for 6/7am at the latest! Me and Arya went for a long walk and El text me to say she had a parcel coming so I had to make sure I was in between 11.30 and 1.30. I made sure me and Arya smashed the walk (hour and half we did!) to get gone and I settled down to watch Mr Robot on Amazon Prime (other shows and streaming devices are all available..).

Got to about 12.30 and I was starting to get a bit hungry so I thought I’d make myself a cheese and ham toasty. Arya was in the garden chilling and I had just put my tiger bread in the toaster. I could hear what I thought was some young lads parked up outside the neighbours and Arya was barking to let them know that she’s there. Couple of minutes had passed and these lads were still there so I made the conscious decision to stand at my patio doors and stare out, hoping to make eye contact. (Not sure what I would achieve but i was hoping skin head and barking dog would be enough ha)

I could hear the lads chatting and every now and then a head would bob over to peer into my garden, so I thought right it’s a bunch of lads who have thought barking dog plus owner looks peeved let’s keep winding them up. I locked on eye contact with one of the lads and kept staring, then I hear ‘has Bratch seen you?’ and the lad replies ‘yeah I think so’ well now I knew something was up!

As I stepped out full of curiosity and made my way into the garden I started to recognise voices and before I knew it five of my closest friends were stood in my garden with snacks and beers! Sneaky buggars had planned a surprise visit before I start chemo! Now it all started to make sense, why El was adamant the gazebo was put up, why there was so many snacks and why the lads had been so coy in the group chats!

El text me to say ‘She had ordered pizza for us all and it should arrive soon’ and I was so taken aback it was just so thoughtful of Ellen to organise but also so typically amazing of her! I had the greatest afternoon in the garden with the lads eating snacks, pizza and beers and I got my Negative results from the covid test. Seeing the lads certainly kept me distracted for the afternoon and it meant the world to me. The lads also brought some chemo gift sets to help me through which is beyond anything I expected.

All along in life, I’ve always thought ‘it’s you and you alone’ that will go through something if it happens, and I had kind of accepted that it’s not that no one cares but everyone’s busy so you just need to get on with it, I guess that’s where my mental strength draws from.

However I’ve been so fortunate to have found El, her amazing family, my family and friends to change my way of thinking, I still don’t like fuss but it’s a one of a kind feeling to feel loved and in peoples thoughts. I won’t ever take any of them for granted!

I finished the evening with Aryas evening walk and then the rest of the bank holiday weekend was pretty much the same! Pretty chilled, dog walks and my mum visited on the Sunday afternoon. She brought all the baked treats and Easter eggs for me and El, it was absolutely glorious! More dog walks and plenty of footy on TV kept me somewhat distracted, however on the Monday night (5th April) I started to get my nervy tummy.

I couldn’t think of anything else as the unknown was there at my door waiting for me to step out. I’ll do my best to get a good nights sleep before chemotherapy starts but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m up all night. Until you step into the unknown, you don’t know what you are made of.